Boston Globe article: How Do You Define Old? A Push to Mine Wisdom, Ease Isolation Among Young and Old

“At a time when the world seems riven by differences, initiatives to connect young and old are gaining ground.”

By Kay Lazar for The Boston Globe
December 25, 2024

Link to the full article

“How old is old?

That was the question put to a group of Salem high school students earlier this fall, and the consensus was that someone around age 56 was probably old.

But that image melted away when they were paired for 90 minutes with several adults a good decade or two past “old,” and they discovered that one of these oldsters had a TikTok account, another, a 70-something woman, was still teaching yoga, and another, near 90, was downright funny.

“Almost all the people there were still active and didn’t look their age,” Julian Tremblay, a junior at Salem Academy Charter School, said weeks after attending the session. Now, his definition of old is not measured in years but in ability.

“I think old,” he said recently, “is when you can’t provide for yourself anymore.”

At a time when the world seems riven by differences, initiatives to bridge the distance between young and old are gaining ground. The Salem gathering, organized by a community-based initiative known as Salem for All Ages,was designed to help teens and older adults foster a better understanding and appreciation of each other, and ease social isolation for both groups.

“I related a lot with them” when they talked about being lonely, said Ariana Suriel, a 16-year-old student who attended the September session.

On the days she’s not at Market Basket for her cashier’s job after school, Suriel often finds herself alone, her mother thousands of miles away in the Dominican Republic and her father and older brothers out working.

“Sometimes I feel lonely at my house,” she said. “I am basically alone most of the time.”

But her conversation during the Salem for All Ages gathering with a retired flight attendant — a career path Suriel has been dreaming about— inspired her.

The flight attendant “could relate to what I want to do in the future, and she told me what I can do to keep going with my dream,” Suriel said.

The Salem initiative was deemed so successful, and the organizers were so impressed by reactions from young and old, that they are planning more sessions at other schools.

“I was pleasantly surprised about how engaging and engaged they were,”Norene Gachignard, a 66-year-old retired nurse educator who helped organize the inaugural event, said of the teens.

Gachignard is pragmatic about her goals for the initiative, which include a hope that young people gain an understanding of the loneliness epidemic engulfing older adults.

“I want them to be conscious of that, because we are a very large block of the population and they are going to be our caretakers sooner than later,” she said.

A cascade of recent research has documented a rising sea of social isolation and loneliness across the generations.

Michigan researchers surveyed thousands of adults 50 to 80 years old over the past six years and found 29 percent of those surveyed reported feelings of isolation this year, a gain of nearly three percentage points above pre-pandemic levels.

Last year, US Surgeon General Dr. Vivek Murthy issued an advisory warning about a public health crisis of loneliness, isolation, and lack of connection in the country. Even before the onset of the pandemic, he said, approximately half of adults reported experiencing measurable levels of loneliness.

And the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention alerted the public about widespread feelings of persistent sadness and hopelessness — as well as suicidal thoughts — among the nation’s young people.

The country’s crushing sense of isolation was what inspired Dana Griffin, a former data and advertising executive, to connect an 82-year-old woman in Colorado with a 10-year-old girl in Brooklyn via Zoom during the first lock-down month of the pandemic. Griffin thought it would be a one-time, isolation-easing chat.

But when the little girl mistakenly thought this was the beginning of a regular conversation, telling the adult, “OK, I will talk to you next week,” Griffin’s idea for Eldera was born. The company, which connects young people, 6-17 years old, with vetted mentors, aged 60 and older, for weekly virtual conversations, has since grown to more than 3,000 mentors and mentees around the world regularly meeting online.

“Every single relationship is completely unique,” Griffin said. “We have no control over how they develop their relationship and that’s the beauty of it. They give each other what the other one needs.”

That would describe the three-year relationship that has blossomed between Kathleen McGuire, a 73-year-old retired middle school Spanish teacher in East Sandwich, and 12-year-old Suin Lee in South Korea. In the beginning, the two traded ‘What’s your favorite (fill in the blank)’ type questions, and Lee would timidly practice her English skills.

But now the two just chatter — about the cliquey girls in Lee’s class, about McGuire’s grandchildren (who are about Lee’s age), and about the customs unique to each other’s countries. In the process, Lee’s English has grown to near flawless, and McGuire has learned, thanks to Lee, how to share her computer screen to show the youngster photos of her travels.

“It’s a highlight of my week,” said McGuire, who has barely missed a session with Lee in three years, even rising before dawn when she is visiting Costa Rica in the winter because the time difference with South Korea grows to 15 hours. The weekly Zoom means so much to McGuire that she made it a point to log in and catch up with Lee — even while hospitalized this month after a recent fall.

For Lee, an earnest 6th-grader and only child who attends after-school violin, math, and English classes, the conversations with McGuire provide a safe haven to practice her English. McGuire, Lee shyly confided, has become something of a secret weapon for her, helping her talk through ideas for school debate team competitions — which she won — and doing it in a way that is way more interesting than speaking with her grandparents.

But, Lee confessed, she hasn’t told her friends, who are envious of her English skills, about McGuire or the Eldera program.

“I told them, if they are thinking about their English, I just say I know a person in the US,” she said and then grinned.

Half a world away, in Massachusetts, Salem Academy Charter School senior Natalie Ortiz has also grown fond of chatting with, and learning from, older people. A 97-year-old customer named Charlie often stops by the restaurant where she works after school to regale her with stories of fighting in WWII. He used to work for an oil company, and though Ortiz is interested in pursuing a medical career, she appreciates Charlie’s advice for time management and saving money.

The September gathering that brought her schoolmates together with older adults, she said, provided them a chance to hear from elders how they navigated through life’s challenges.

“It’s cool to get a different perspective from people who had been my age, and hear advice on things they wish they didn’t do,” she said. “It gives me a relief, a weight off my shoulders, that things will be OK.”

Categorised in: News

Boston Globe article: How Do You Define Old? A Push to Mine Wisdom, Ease Isolation Among Young and Old

“At a time when the world seems riven by differences, initiatives to connect young and old are gaining ground.”

By Kay Lazar for The Boston Globe December 25, 2024

Link to the full article

“How old is old?

That was the question put to a group of Salem high school students earlier this fall, and the consensus was that someone around age 56 was probably old.

But that image melted away when they were paired for 90 minutes with several adults a good decade or two past “old,” and they discovered that one of these oldsters had a TikTok account, another, a 70-something woman, was still teaching yoga, and another, near 90, was downright funny.

“Almost all the people there were still active and didn’t look their age,” Julian Tremblay, a junior at Salem Academy Charter School, said weeks after attending the session. Now, his definition of old is not measured in years but in ability.

“I think old,” he said recently, “is when you can’t provide for yourself anymore.”

“I related a lot with them” when they talked about being lonely, said Ariana Suriel, a 16-year-old student who attended the September session.

On the days she’s not at Market Basket for her cashier’s job after school, Suriel often finds herself alone, her mother thousands of miles away in the Dominican Republic and her father and older brothers out working.

“Sometimes I feel lonely at my house,” she said. “I am basically alone most of the time.”

But her conversation during the Salem for All Ages gathering with a retired flight attendant — a career path Suriel has been dreaming about— inspired her.

The flight attendant “could relate to what I want to do in the future, and she told me what I can do to keep going with my dream,” Suriel said.

The Salem initiative was deemed so successful, and the organizers were so impressed by reactions from young and old, that they are planning more sessions at other schools.

“I was pleasantly surprised about how engaging and engaged they were,”Norene Gachignard, a 66-year-old retired nurse educator who helped organize the inaugural event, said of the teens.

Gachignard is pragmatic about her goals for the initiative, which include a hope that young people gain an understanding of the loneliness epidemic engulfing older adults.

“I want them to be conscious of that, because we are a very large block of the population and they are going to be our caretakers sooner than later,” she said.

A cascade of recent research has documented a rising sea of social isolation and loneliness across the generations.

Michigan researchers surveyed thousands of adults 50 to 80 years old over the past six years and found 29 percent of those surveyed reported feelings of isolation this year, a gain of nearly three percentage points above pre-pandemic levels.

Last year, US Surgeon General Dr. Vivek Murthy issued an advisory warning about a public health crisis of loneliness, isolation, and lack of connection in the country. Even before the onset of the pandemic, he said, approximately half of adults reported experiencing measurable levels of loneliness.

And the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention alerted the public about widespread feelings of persistent sadness and hopelessness — as well as suicidal thoughts — among the nation’s young people.

“Every single relationship is completely unique,” Griffin said. “We have no control over how they develop their relationship and that’s the beauty of it. They give each other what the other one needs.”

But, Lee confessed, she hasn’t told her friends, who are envious of her English skills, about McGuire or the Eldera program.

“I told them, if they are thinking about their English, I just say I know a person in the US,” she said and then grinned.

The September gathering that brought her schoolmates together with older adults, she said, provided them a chance to hear from elders how they navigated through life’s challenges.

“It’s cool to get a different perspective from people who had been my age, and hear advice on things they wish they didn’t do,” she said. “It gives me a relief, a weight off my shoulders, that things will be OK.”

By Kay Lazar for The Boston Globe
December 25, 2024